Holly Willoughby details how she used detachment as a coping mechanism

Holly Willoughby has detailed how she used detachment as a coping mechanism over the years.

In her new book Reflections, the presenter, 40, candidly spoke of how she felt like a ‘spectator’ of her own life. 

She wrote: ‘I wasn’t present in my life. Something was missing. There were moments when I felt a bit like a spectator of my own life. I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t depressed, it was just a feeling of being a little adrift.’

The This Morning presenter, who has been co-hosting the ITV chat show since 2009, admitted that she didn’t ‘even really notice’ that she was using detachment as a means of coping, but it was happening as far back as her childhood when she attempted to mask her dyslexia.

The Brighton-born television star also drew on her fear of the cancel culture, which has resulted in ‘censoring’ her own views after comments she’s made have been cruelly twisted.

‘I find myself almost regurgitating what other people have said because I don’t know what I want to say any more,’ she said frankly. 

After 13 years, Holly is no longer represented by showbiz agency YMU, which she shared with her co-host Phillip Schofield.  

Instead, she has curated her all-female agency called Roxy, which means she manages herself. 

‘I hadn’t realised I’d lost a part of me when I gave up responsibility to someone else, but now I am regaining that,’ she said.

 

Holly also recounted a memory that left ‘anger pulsating through her body.’ 

The mother-of-three used her book as an opportunity to write how an unnamed colleague had left her feeling disrespected after saying they would be there to save here if she messed up when onstage at an undisclosed event.  

Holly is of the firm opinion that a male colleague would not have received the same treatment. 

Holly, whose televisions stints also include hosting Dancing On Ice alongside Phillip, is one of the country’s most sought-after presenters.

It does mean that she spends a considerable amount of time away from her family – husband Dan Baldwin, 46, and children Harry, 12, Belle, ten, and seven-year-old ­Chester.

She admitted she does worry what people think, which has triggered her to adapt her behaviour to avoid the guilt. 

Elsewhere in her book, which centres around ‘life lessons on finding beauty’, Holly admitted to treating herself to a monthly collagen wave facial, which maintains a youthful looking appearance.

Getting cosmetic procedures is not something she has ruled out either, saying she will ‘probably indulge in a few’ but is ‘reserving the right to decide how she feels’ when the moment comes.