Why wasn’t this made years ago? The Osmonds: A New Musical is an unexpectedly moving memoir that proves the band has still got it
The Osmonds: A New Musical
Curve Theatre, Leicester Touring until December 3
Simply Red
AO Arena, Manchester Touring until February 24 and in June
Rating: 
It’s now nearly 50 years since five singing brothers from Utah became the biggest thing since The Beatles.
When The Osmonds landed at Heathrow in 1973, so many screaming girls turned out to greet them that a building collapsed. It was thanks to them that the word ‘teenybopper’ caught on.
These days The Osmonds are a period piece, like the flares they once wore. The only song of theirs that looms large on Spotify is Donny’s I’ll Make A Man Out Of You, because it’s from the film Mulan.
These days The Osmonds are a period piece, like the flares they once wore. But try telling that to the 900 women packed into this world premiere
But try telling that to the 900 women packed into this world premiere. They still know the words of all the hits, and even the flops.
When it emerges that Jay Osmond (the drummer) is in the stalls, he’s engulfed by fellow sixtysomethings asking for selfies. Is there such a thing as a grannybopper?
As boy bands go, The Osmonds were pretty good. They all played more than one instrument, they wrote two classic songs (Crazy Horses and Let Me In), and they were brave enough to make a concept album about their Mormon faith (The Plan).
They were four phenomena for the price of one – Donny was a solo star, Little Jimmy a novelty act, Donny & Marie a durable duo. The only surprise about this musical is that it wasn’t made years ago.
The story is supplied by Jay Osmond, the theatrical expertise by Julian Bigg and Shaun Kerrison. As drama, it’s standard stuff: a jukebox musical, just about joining up the songs. As a memoir, though, it’s unexpectedly moving.
Jay is honest enough to disclose the tensions behind the toothy smiles. We see Merrill’s heartache, Wayne’s depression, their father George’s overbearing strictness and the whole family’s near-bankruptcy.
And yet the show is still a blast. The costumes are superb, the jokes good enough. The cast may not look very Osmond-like, but they’re thoroughly endearing.
As the screams of old turn to fond chuckles, you can feel an Osmonds reunion approaching.
Meanwhile, last Sunday night in Manchester, Simply Red finally started a tour that was scheduled for 2020. Their shows tend to be much of a muchness, but this time there’s an extra buzz in the air.
At 61, Mick Hucknall (above) still has the voice of an angel and the hair of a cherub, and makes it all look easy like Sunday evening
It’s the feeling you get when 20,000 people are simply thrilled to be out of the house.
At 61, Mick Hucknall still has the voice of an angel and the hair of a cherub. Switching between self-written gems such as Stars and vintage soul covers, he makes it all look easy like Sunday evening.