Bachelorette star Clare Crawley reveals she was in an abusive relationship

Clare Crawley is clearing the air about what she’s been through, and what she’s hoping to achieve before embarking on her Bachelorette journey.

The 39-year-old reality star – who is the oldest to hold the mantle of Bachelorette in the series – sat down for the Bachelor Happy Hour Official Podcast on Tuesday, during which she opened up about a past traumatic and abusive relationship.

Even before first appearing on The Bachelor, Clare revealed she had been in the midst of dealing with personal struggles that she had kept private, until now.

‘There’s so much more background that I have never even talked about, even on that season of The Bachelor, that I held inside, that I didn’t share with the world,’ Crawley said on the podcast. 

‘I didn’t even share with my friends. I had just gone through a really, really abusive relationship going into Juan Pablo’s season,’ she continued.   

During the chat, Clare discussed the process she went through to ‘crack myself open and find out all about me,’ and how she learned and grew stronger from that troubled relationship.

She even admitted that there was a time when she was living in her car and at an absolute low point in her life.

But now, as she awaits production on season 16 of The Bachelorette to finally begin after coronavirus-related delays, Crawley says she’s excited to take a leap and look for a worthy man who will truly appreciate her.

‘I want the man of my dreams to see the worst of me, to know the worst of me,’ she stated.

‘There’s a lot that I went through that I want them to know – the hard, ugly, embarrassing struggles of my life to appreciate the woman that I am today. And I want a man to love me for that, and not just for the easy makeup and hair,’ Clare continued. ‘Anybody can love you for the easy fun times and the smiles and the laughs.

‘I want somebody to love me for all the hard stuff that I’ve been through. It’s been something that I’ve hidden for so many years, but until I’ve owned that part of my life and looked at the stuff I’ve been through as shame, but to look at it as my superpower, and these are the things that have made the woman that I am today.’

Additionally, Clare mentioned that the delay in shooting her season of the Bachelorette has helped her take time to reflect on what her ‘message’ is.

‘Everything happens for a reason!’ she remarked.

‘[This delay] has given me the time to sit and go, what is my message? What is it that I want to share with women my age, women our age, women of any age, anybody? What is it that I really want to share to let them know that yeah, this is one of those positions that is very hard to be in, and I’m so honored to be in it, but more importantly I want to be that woman for other people to see that we all go through pretty awful stuff sometimes, and sometimes other people, just what you see, whether it be on social media, whether it be what you hear publicly, is not always the case,’ the Sacramento, California native added.

Another thing she’s done with the extra time – googled some of her potential matches.

‘There are some things where you can kind of tell people’s lifestyles like from Instagram stories, and I see some that I’m like, that’s not really my vibe,’ she allowed. ‘[While there are] others where I look at them and I’m like, that’s hot. I can’t wait to meet that guy.’