1 Badgers have hit the headlines after a new book, Sinking In The Swamp, revealed President Trump has an unexpected obsession with these shy nocturnal creatures.
Authors Lachlan Markay and Asawin Suebsaeng claim that when former White House chief of staff Reince Priebus tried to brief the President on healthcare initiatives or foreign policy, he would only want to know about badgers. ‘Are they mean to people — or are they friendly creatures?’
2 The revelation that the badger is the main predator of the hedgehog has led to a surge of abuse against it on social media. ‘Lay off the cuddly hedgehog, you short-legged big-nosed omnivore,’ read one recent tweet, while another said: ‘No wonder U R called BADger. If it were up to me you’d be called EVILger.’
Badgers have hit the headlines after a new book, Sinking In The Swamp, revealed President Trump has an unexpected obsession with these shy nocturnal creatures
3 As a result of this sustained campaign of abuse, the Federation of British Badgers (FBB) have engaged top public relations guru Max Slippery to help present a more positive image of badgers to the world. Max has already instituted an annual Badger Prize for Poetry, and the Badger Award for a Young British Artist. Meanwhile, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are set to host a glittering Best of Badger Ceremony at the Empire Theatre in Toronto, in which gold designer statuettes will be presented to the winners of multiple categories including Badger Newcomer of the Year, Most Caring Badger, and Best Badger in a Wildlife Documentary.
4 Badgers are known to be diffident creatures, and generally keep a low profile. They are rarely in the news, though a talented Finnish badger called Brenda achieved second place in the 1992 Eurovision Song Contest, singing You’ve Gotta Burrow For Love.
In a competition historically dominated by human beings, this was only the second time a badger ever reached the top five, and the first time a badger had performed in the contest wearing hot pants.
Authors Lachlan Markay and Asawin Suebsaeng claim that when former White House chief of staff Reince Priebus (right) tried to brief the President on healthcare initiatives or foreign policy, he would only want to know about badgers. ‘Are they mean to people — or are they friendly creatures?’
5 After the Prime Minister’s chief special adviser Dominic Cummings advertised for ‘weirdos and misfits’ to apply for jobs at Downing Street, no fewer than 14 badgers replied, three of whom now occupy senior positions. All three of these badgers are said to be expert in ‘thinking outside the box’. One of them is already driving through plans for underground tunnels to be the basis for the future of social housing.
Another badger special adviser has laid out plans for all MPs and senior civil servants to wear a white streak in their hair, for easy identification. The third badger adviser is hard at work to enable the new HS2 rail network to run entirely underground, emerging into the open air only at night, when things are quiet.
After the Prime Minister’s chief special adviser Dominic Cummings advertised for ‘weirdos and misfits’ to apply for jobs at Downing Street, no fewer than 14 badgers replied, three of whom now occupy senior positions
6 When prominent showbiz personality Bob the Badger, acclaimed star of Autumnwatch, appeared on BBC1’s Who Do You Think You Are? in 2014, he was visibly distressed to discover a skunk among his close relations. ‘I-I-I had no idea,’ he said, wiping away his tears. However, his shame abated after he was introduced to a group of his genial skunk cousins.
‘At that point, I realised they were from the Mephitidae family, just like me. Once you get to know them, you see that they are really much the same as everybody else, just a bit more smelly. We still meet up from time to time, and exchange Christmas cards, though obviously at a distance.’
7 Badgers are known for their short, stubby legs, which is why they are rarely seen on Love Island. But in recent years, ambitious young badgers have taken to wearing classic leather-soled heels by Jimmy Choo, and so the numbers appearing on the programme have shot up.
8 The average badger feeds on anything up to 200 earthworms a night. ‘Eaten fresh, with a sprinkling of earth, they can be surprisingly tasty,’ says top chef Bernard Badger, runner-up in the 2017 semi-final of Animal MasterChef.
Conspiracy theorists on social media claim that Bernard was involved in the sudden disappearance of fellow Animal MasterChef contestant Herbert Hedgehog, but this allegation was never proven.
Bernard continues to insists the Hog’s Pie that earned him high praise from the judges on the afternoon Herbert vanished was in fact a mixture of squirrel, turnips and carrots, despite judge Gregg Wallace having discreetly left a small quill on the side of his plate.