ALEXANDRA SCHULMAN: Coronavirus is killing conversation… and making me fell old! 


Despite our best efforts to prove otherwise, the coronavirus is making some of us consider that we might, in fact, be old. 

At a party last week for the launch of therapist Julia Samuel’s book This Too Shall Pass (a title that hopefully will apply to Covid- 19 as well as the difficult life transitions it addresses), the room was filled with cheery members of the 60-plus age group.

We were a pretty lively and not bad-looking bunch (the winner by a mile was Tom Stoppard, who’s well into his 80s). Old, us? You must be joking. 

People are pictured above wearing face masks in London. Despite our best efforts to prove otherwise, the coronavirus is making some of us consider that we might, in fact, be old

Yet the chief conversational topic was how many of us were members of a susceptible demographic – though that didn’t stop the kissing, the hugs or the handshakes.

Aside from the fact that discussion of the virus is in danger of killing off interesting chat at any social gathering, we’ve done a pretty good job of not being old. Not really old. 

It’s not just the cosmetic interventions and hair dye but how we spend our time. 

The music business is bankrolled by old rockers swaying to other old rockers, we’re beginning so many new sexual relationships that the biggest rise in STD’s is in the over-65s and it’s not unusual, if you’re a bloke, to become a father in your eighth decade. 

Aside from the fact that discussion of the virus is in danger of killing off interesting chat at any social gathering, we¿ve done a pretty good job of not being old. Not really old. Seniors are pictured above in Texas, US listening to how they can protect themselves against coronavirus

Aside from the fact that discussion of the virus is in danger of killing off interesting chat at any social gathering, we’ve done a pretty good job of not being old. Not really old. Seniors are pictured above in Texas, US listening to how they can protect themselves against coronavirus

As an old dad-to-be, Boris is a stripling at 55.

Unfortunately, though, it appears this nasty new virus hasn’t got the memo and is cutting into our carefully honed perception of ourselves as age invincible. 

It’s no respecter of how satisfactory our highlights are or whether we can still run a mean 10K and rack up the sun salutations with the best of them. 

We know that age is just a number. But coronavirus is making it just that bit harder to avoid the fact that one day the time will come when that number’s up.

Princess Haya is a beacon of bravery

Bravest woman of the week is Princess Haya – the ex-wife of Sheikh Mohammed al-Maktoum. 

I can’t think of anything much more terrifying than successfully revealing her husband’s appalling behaviour, including kidnap and torture, in the High Court. 

Princess Haya may be possessed of millions of pounds but all the money in the world won’t help when you wake up in the middle of the night scared for you and your children’s lives. 

Especially when the man you are confronted with is one whose total belief in his omnipotency is matched only by his ruthlessness.

Bravest woman of the week is Princess Haya ¿ the ex-wife of Sheikh Mohammed al-Maktoum. She is pictured arriving at the Royal Courts of Justice in London

Bravest woman of the week is Princess Haya – the ex-wife of Sheikh Mohammed al-Maktoum. She is pictured arriving at the Royal Courts of Justice in London

Life lessons from a Labour lady in a lift

Last week I found myself in the lift of Fortnum & Mason with two other women, heading up to a charity lunch for Cancer Research. 

One was Labour’s Jess Phillips who had agreed to interview LBC host Nick Ferrari on stage as of part of the event.

Whenever the lift stopped at a floor, the other woman impatiently pressed the button to get it moving again so we could get to our destination. 

‘There’s no point doing that,’ said Jess, who I only realised was Jess once we’d all left the lift. ‘I know because my husband’s a lift engineer.’ 

She continued: ‘It won’t make any difference. It just makes you feel better because you think you’re doing something.’ 

She was completely right. It’s exactly how I feel about having cast my vote in the Labour leadership ballot.

One was Labour¿s Jess Phillips who had agreed to interview LBC host Nick Ferrari on stage as of part of the event. Whenever the lift stopped at a floor, the other woman impatiently pressed the button to get it moving again so we could get to our destination

One was Labour’s Jess Phillips who had agreed to interview LBC host Nick Ferrari on stage as of part of the event. Whenever the lift stopped at a floor, the other woman impatiently pressed the button to get it moving again so we could get to our destination

This Vampire’s Wife is never going to die…

Every now and again a dress comes along that defies the death-knell of over-exposure and, with every sighting, just becomes more popular.

That dress is now the Falconetti by Susie Bick ¿ aka The Vampire¿s Wife, worn last week as part of the Duchess of Cambridge¿s turn as the Green Goddess, during her visit to Ireland

That dress is now the Falconetti by Susie Bick – aka The Vampire’s Wife, worn last week as part of the Duchess of Cambridge’s turn as the Green Goddess, during her visit to Ireland

That dress is now the Falconetti by Susie Bick – aka The Vampire’s Wife, worn last week as part of the Duchess of Cambridge’s turn as the Green Goddess, during her visit to Ireland. 

The Falconetti is one of the several nearly-identical VW dresses sporting high necklines, puffed shoulders and flounced hems that have been making an appearance at glamorous parties, premieres and weddings for the past couple of years. 

Couple of years? Most high-fashion buys are lucky to keep their currency for more than six months but these have the same long-life formula as Roland Mouret’s famous figure-hugging Galaxy dress a decade ago. Even costing upwards of £1,000 a pop.

And why? The secret, say those who wear them, is that the dresses’ clever seaming gives you the narrow waist and bust you wished you had while the sleeves and skirt have the requisite primness popular in fashion now. 

I wish I could tell you more about why it’s so loved but I’ve tried, more than once, to wear one. And I’ve had to admit defeat.

Unlike Gillian Anderson, Alexa Chung and Goth Queen Susie Bick herself – who’ve all been seen looking gorgeous in the dress recently – on me the shape and fabric looks less sexy puritan and more comfy sofa upholstery. 

Not that with continuing huge sales, this revelation is going to give The Vampire’s Wife any sleepless nights.

Keep calm and carry on baking brownies

I’m sure we’re not the only household who have turned to baking as solace over the past week of relentless rain and coronavirus obsession.

The smell of straight-from-the-oven brownies is a delicious panacea. Forget stockpiling loo paper and pasta, I suggest making sure you’ve got a good supply of baking ingredients should isolation strike.

Why we all love a baddie in a beanie

Arch-manipulators are so fascinating, aren’t they? Which is surely a huge part of the appeal of Hilary Mantel’s trilogy about Thomas Cromwell. 

You may or may not like Dominic Cumming’s way with a beanie hat but it’s a fact that most of us are intrigued by him – and the enormous influence he seems to hold over the Prime Minister.

The éminence grise, who lurks in the shadow of power, is almost always a far more compelling character than the leader themselves. 

There’s something about the way their manoeuvrings take place under the official radar that lends them a thrill that their supposed masters lack.

But the real lure is that we’re convinced they’re baddies, cynical Machiavellis conspiring and conniving to get their evil way. Whereas the good guys? They’re not nearly as much fun.

You may or may not like Dominic Cumming¿s way with a beanie hat but it¿s a fact that most of us are intrigued by him ¿ and the enormous influence he seems to hold over the Prime Minister

You may or may not like Dominic Cumming’s way with a beanie hat but it’s a fact that most of us are intrigued by him – and the enormous influence he seems to hold over the Prime Minister