MAFS Recap: ALEX MICHAEL recaps Married At First Sight episode 31


On ‘last dates’ night, Married At First Sight taught me the power of looking on the bright side.

Sure, the coronavirus has the world is in chaos and nobody knows if, or when, their life will go back to the way it was.

On the bright side, ‘last dates’ implies this punish of a show is finally about to end!

Every cloud! On Tuesday, Married At First Sight taught us the power of looking on the bright side: The world is in chaos and life may never be the same – but on the bright side, this punish of a show is nearly over!

Steve and Mishel

Liquid courage: 'Adrenaline junkie' Mishel knew Tuesday's episode would be her final chance to force a kiss out of Steve.

Liquid courage: ‘Adrenaline junkie’ Mishel knew Tuesday’s episode would be her final chance to force a kiss out of Steve. 

‘Adrenaline junkie’ Mishel knew Tuesday’s episode would be her final chance to force a kiss out of Steve. 

Things were looking promising early on. 

Steve: ‘I know you love cheap thrills and big spills, so I’m taking you to the only place I know that matches that criteria.’

Mac on: 'I know you love cheap thrills and big spills, so I'm taking you to the only place I know that matches that criteria,' Steve said. 'Oooh, Maccas playground?'

Mac on: ‘I know you love cheap thrills and big spills, so I’m taking you to the only place I know that matches that criteria,’ Steve said. ‘Oooh, Maccas playground?’

Mishel: ‘Ooh, Maccas playground?’ 

Steve: ‘Hmm, close. Same vibe but with less syringes’

Mishel: ‘Yaay, Luna Park!’ 

Steve: ‘Yep! And you know how you’ve been frothing for some physical contact? How does sitting on my lap and calling me “daddy” all day sound?’ 

Close! Steve: 'Hmm, close. Same vibe but with less syringes'. 'Yaay! Luna Park!'

Close! Steve: ‘Hmm, close. Same vibe but with less syringes’. ‘Yaay! Luna Park!’

Mishel: ‘You had me at frothing!’ 

Steve: ‘Great, you wait here and I’ll go grab the tickets. 

‘Afternoon! One adult and… children are still free if they sit on your lap, right?’ 

But with the day already half over, and her chances of getting some action receding faster than Steve’s hairline, Mishel brought out the big guns. 

'To the Ferris Wheel!' But with the day already half over, and her chances of getting some action receding faster than Steve's hairline, Mishel brought out the big guns

‘To the Ferris Wheel!’ But with the day already half over, and her chances of getting some action receding faster than Steve’s hairline, Mishel brought out the big guns

‘To the Ferris Wheel!’ she screamed.

Steve: ‘Why did you take me on here? You know I’m afraid of heights!’

Mishel: ‘Don’t look at them, look at me!’ 

Looks like he fell for it, come on Mishel, go in for the kiss.

Steve: ‘Oh wait a sec, I’m cured!’

Height of rudeness: 'Why did you take me on here? You know I'm afraid of heights!' Steve barked. 'Don't look outside, look at me! she replied

Height of rudeness: ‘Why did you take me on here? You know I’m afraid of heights!’ Steve barked. ‘Don’t look outside, look at me! she replied

And with that, Mishel’s last chance was out the window – and no fatty is fat enough to break that fall. 

‘Time to stop flogging a dead horse,’ she conceded to producers. 

‘I came here to find love and it didn’t work out – but on the bright side, I’ve got 100,000 followers and a Jenny Craig sponny deal!’

Here we go! Looks like he fell for it, come on Mishel, go in for the kiss... 'Oh wait a sec, I'm cured!' said Steve

Here we go! Looks like he fell for it, come on Mishel, go in for the kiss… ‘Oh wait a sec, I’m cured!’ said Steve

Michael and Stacey

What are you playing at? It took him about six weeks longer than the rest of Australia, but on Tuesday, Michael awakened to the possibility that $tacey might not be in this for his acidic personality

What are you playing at? It took him about six weeks longer than the rest of Australia, but on Tuesday, Michael awakened to the possibility that $tacey might not be in this for his acidic personality

It took him about six weeks longer than the rest of Australia, but on Tuesday, Michael awakened to the possibility that $tacey might not be in this for his acidic personality.

‘So I’m going to trick her into thinking we’re going on an expensive date, only to rock up in a ’87 Holden Camira.’

In other words, the only car in the world with a higher failure rate than the relationship experts.   

Marriage breakdown: 'So I'm going to trick her into thinking we're going on an expensive date, only to rock up in a '87 Holden Camira' he announced

Marriage breakdown: ‘So I’m going to trick her into thinking we’re going on an expensive date, only to rock up in a ’87 Holden Camira’ he announced

‘I know my face doesn’t move much, but does it look like I’m enjoying myself?’ Stacey asked about 10 minutes into the date.

‘I know you were joking, but I can’t even tell what age range you’re in, let alone if you’re smiling!’

$he wasn’t.

Happy days? 'I know my face doesn't move much, but does it look like I'm enjoying myself?' Stacey asked about 10 minutes into the date. She was joking, but Michael had no idea

Happy days? ‘I know my face doesn’t move much, but does it look like I’m enjoying myself?’ Stacey asked about 10 minutes into the date. She was joking, but Michael had no idea

‘Yeah the date went great!’ Michael told producers later. ‘I half-expected her to jump out of that s**tbox of a car while were were on the highway.’

‘Joke would have been on her though, top speed is 25.’

Wait a second, Michael thought that dumpster fire of a date went well!?

Right, so either he’s a gullible idiot, or they edited out all of the footage of Stacey having a blast.

Or maybe both.

Stacey ended the night by gifting Michael a monogrammed diary with a touching note inside.

‘Darling Michael, here is a diary, so we can do what the experts suggested and pencil in visits and time we can spend together while you’re in Melbourne and I’m in Adelaide.

‘I hope you read this diary and remember how close we are, or if you’re struggling, have a responsible adult read it aloud to you.’

‘PS: Can I please have your credit card details, in case of a retail emergency?’

‘I love you money.’

‘Oh whoops, I meant honey!’ Stacey added, reaching for the white out.  

Happy ending: Stacey ended the night by gifting Michael a monogrammed diary with a touching note inside. 'PS, can I have your credit card details?'

Happy ending: Stacey ended the night by gifting Michael a monogrammed diary with a touching note inside. ‘PS, can I have your credit card details?’

Liz and Seb

Last chance saloon: Over at the obligatory boring date, Liz was using her last night with robo-hubby Seb to try and prove that he's normal

 Last chance saloon: Over at the obligatory boring date, Liz was using her last night with robo-hubby Seb to try and prove that he’s normal

Over at the obligatory boring date, Liz was using her last night with robo-hubby Seb to try and prove that he’s normal.

‘So I’m taking him to one of those Roar and Snore’s, where you get to sleep next to zoo animals. 

‘See honey,’ she said, ‘you’re not the only one who gets stared at by bemused children crying “mummy, I’m scared” all day.’

Roar and bore: 'So I'm taking him to one of those Roar and Snore's, where you get to sleep next to zoo animals'

Roar and bore: ‘So I’m taking him to one of those Roar and Snore’s, where you get to sleep next to zoo animals’ 

Later, they got the chance to walk a cheetah – sit down Michael, that’s C-H-E-E-T-A-H. 

Liz took a backseat here, because Seb had a lot of questions.

Seb: ‘So how fast can these suckers go. What’s their top speed?’ 

Zookeeper: ‘They can go from 0 to 80 in under 3 seconds!’

Just like us! 'See honey,' she said, 'you're not the only one who gets stared at by bemused children crying "mummy, I'm scared" all day'

Just like us! ‘See honey,’ she said, ‘you’re not the only one who gets stared at by bemused children crying “mummy, I’m scared” all day’

Spellcheck! Later, they got the chance to walk a cheetah - sit down Michael, that's C-H-E-E-T-A-H. 'So how fast do these guys go?' Seb asked. '0 to 80 in 3 seconds? Pfft, that's nothing! I do 0 to 100 in less than a millisecond'

Spellcheck! Later, they got the chance to walk a cheetah – sit down Michael, that’s C-H-E-E-T-A-H. ‘So how fast do these guys go?’ Seb asked. ‘0 to 80 in 3 seconds? Pfft, that’s nothing! I do 0 to 100 in less than a millisecond’

Seb: ‘Pfft. I do 0 to 100 in less than a millisecond’

‘I’m talking kilometres, not kilobytes, you robo flop!’   

‘Look, I may be part-man, part-computer and incapable of human emotions, but on the bright side, I met my long lost brother today!’

‘Far out Seb, for the last time: the feed dispensing machine at the Sloth exhibit is not your bloody brother!’ Liz clapped back.

Speed of light: 'I'm talking kilometres, not kilobytes, you robo flop!' replied the Zookeeper

Speed of light: ‘I’m talking kilometres, not kilobytes, you robo flop!’ replied the Zookeeper

 

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